i just wanted to share a few thoughts with you on the current state of spider-human relations.
While i can see that you’re feelings about arachnids are largely driven by the fact that you are bipedal, please understand that your giant binary bodies are as weird and ugly to us as our glorious eight legged bodies are to you. I might also add here that you look really freaky though our eight eyes.
I would also like to mention that your obscenely large bodies are unnecessary. You look like giant clumsy apes that often can’t walk a straight line, while we have lithe delicate bodies that not only make, but traverse the most delicate of lines and we do so in all types of weather.
Here’s the thing though, we don’t care about you. you don’t make our lives better or worse, yet the mere sight of us sends you into fits for fear followed by unnecessary violence. this type of prejudice is wholly unacceptable. to attempt to kill a creature, simply because you saw it is unacceptable. yes, there have been those among our kind who have bitten humans. most of these cases have been when the spider has been lead to believe through the actions of humans that our lives have been placed in jeopardy. Much as the right of a human to protect the garish homes in which they reside, we feel the right to protect our own bodies to be a right afforded all creatures, regardless of how many appendages they may or may not have.
Further, we eat things that actually do exists simply to feed on the human being. we feast on the lowest of life forms, those with only six so-called legs. these we trap and thoroughly dispose of. these sixlegger serve not only as annoyance but as vectors for disease, illness and everything unholy. we, the bipeds and arachnids should be brothers in arms against the sixleggers. we should be seeking to live in harmony, yet it would seem that the only harmony desired by the humans is an eradication of a potentially potent partner.
we aren’t looking to steal your jobs or sleep with your wives, we simply want to be allowed to dispose of that which you also find annoying. so the next time you see one of us, in stead of taking off your shoe and running around like a lunatic, smile, wave and move on; take comfort in the knowledge that there will be fewer flys in your soup while we are around.
